Rethinking Success as a Helping Professional: Shifting from Pride to Empowerment
I saw this quote recently…
“I don’t want my daughter to make me proud.
I want her to make herself proud, in a room I’ve never been in, doing things I never dared to try, with a voice that never flinches.”
-Unknown
I thought to myself: this is exactly how I feel about my coaching clients.*
I don’t want my clients to make me proud, because I don’t want them to fit their lives into someone else’s mold of success.
I want to empower the people I work with to:
Find their most authentic voice
Use that voice in ways that align with their values
Create their own definition of what “success” looks like
I want them to be proud of themselves - on their own terms, in spaces I may never enter, doing things I’ve never dared to try.
For those of us whose work is meant to guide, teach, or support others - coaches, nonprofit leaders, educators, advocates, etc. - this mindset belongs at the heart of what we do.
Unfortunately, how we approach our work often gets overshadowed by social and political complexities, unconscious bias, uninformed assumptions, and even our own unresolved trauma. It’s easy to center our own pride as a result: “Look what I/we did for them.”
To be clear, I’m not saying that it’s wrong to be proud of our work or to own our achievements - not at all.
I’m talking about reflecting on what truly motivates us.
Why do we do this work?
What do we hope to achieve?
How do we measure success?
Is that measure accessible to the populations I work with?
What makes us feel proud, purposeful, and fulfilled in our work?
These things define the lens through which we see the people we serve.
Our core beliefs and motivations shape how we actually DO the work:
The goals we set
The values we prioritize
The version of “success” we project onto others.
If feeling pride in our work depends on being seen, thanked, or celebrated - our work is performative, not empowering.
If we measure success as being right instead of staying curious - we’re serving our ego before we’re serving anyone else.
Centering our pride creates a foundation of quicksand. The moment our worth depends on outcomes, recognition, or perfection, we begin to sink. And if clients or colleagues can’t give us the validation we expect, we pull each other under - into burnout, compassion fatigue, etc.
Truly empowering the people we serve starts with:
Presuming competence
Prioritizing their autonomy
Respecting their lived experience
Rejecting the concept of “should”
Enabling & encouraging them to build their own path, write their own story, and stand in their own power
Real success is when people feel proud of themselves — when their self-worth comes from living in alignment with their own values.
If our work doesn’t reflect this mindset - it’s missing the mark.
Serving others isn’t about *our* pride.
It’s about enabling those we serve to make *themselves* proud.
That quote reminded me that it’s worth taking the time to consider:
Whose pride are is being centered in our work?
Whose voice is still waiting for the chance to be heard - steady, unflinching, and entirely their own?
*To be clear: I do not view my coaching clients as children - in any way. It’s the sentiment of the quote that resonates, not the child/parent dynamic.